Confessions of a Fake Flower Aficionado

Today is an exceptionally grey day, its cold, rainy, and of course I’m stuck in a drab grey cubicle, which just seems to heighten the oppressiveness of it all. I’ve tried to soften the utilitarian look by hanging up framed pictures and photos, putting a lamp on the desk and adding a couple pots of silk flowers. Many of my co-workers have commented on the orchid plant and the tall square vase of yellow tulips on the book case. On a glum day like today they really do brighten up the place.

A few weeks ago one of the engineers asked me if the orchid was hard to take care of in this plant hostile environment. That gave me such a chuckle, I love that they look so real. This brings to mind all the silk flowers I’ve amassed over the past 10 years and how pretty they are. Then I thought you know, I’m probably the only person in the world with a silk flower collection. As I think about what I have squirreled away up in the attic its probably a good thing that I’ve stopped buying them. I must have spent a small fortune on these faux blooms, at least they’re all safe and sound. Thankfully Rubbermaid has those stackable storage bins, what would I ever have done without them? There are 10 or so up there. Should have bought Rubbermaid stock, who knew? Then my mind wanders back to the flowers and I wondered why it was I had stopped buying them and came to the sad realization that it’s because the stores that I frequented are now out of business. I’d go to Rag Shop, Frank’s Nursery, The Pink Sleigh, Treasure Island, McCrory’s, and Sterns. Sigh, so sad.

Now I wouldn’t pick up any old stem, it had to look real, and let me tell you there are some stunning flowers out there. Then there were the arrangements I’d put together. My favorite was a massive piece over three feet high that looked like something out of a 17th century Dutch still-life oil painting with all the different varieties of tulips and Spring flowers, it was sumptuous.

It all started years ago while I attended a tiny church, I volunteered to put flowers in the sanctuary every Sunday. That was soooo fun! I’ll never forget one instance during a very hot Summer (no air conditioning) when I simply put zinnias and marigolds together in a hand thrown stoneware pitcher, it was fabulous! After the service I watched as one of the women in the church picked up the pitcher and carried it out of the sanctuary. I hurried after her and asked her where she was going. She said they always took the fresh flowers to the local nursing home so that the flowers weren’t wasted. Well, I told her the flowers were silk, not real. She argued with me, and even sniffed them to prove her point. I simply pulled a flower from the bunch and showed her that it was fake. Boy was she shocked. Well, that cured her from trying to walk off with my flowers! LOL! Oh, and I almost forgot my silk flower arrangement goal, which was to have the flowers so tall on the communion table that their height would block the speaker in the pulpit. Sigh, only once did I come close. Later the pastor said he felt like he was peeking out of the jungle like Artie Johnson from “Laugh-In”. My mind excitedly shouted " Success!", as I gave the pastor a innocently surprised look. Sigh, those were the good old days. I’ll have to pull the bins out and put something together. After all, Spring is only three weeks away! Yeah!

CD